Taylor Swift Has An App Now Because Life Is A Nightmare

The folks at Glu have "developed" an app that places Taylor Swift at the center of a social media app called The Swift Life. This app either slightly modifies or straight up copy-pastes elements from Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, and other social networks to create an "exclusive" arena in which Swift fans can look at photos of Taylor Swift and listen to Taylor Swift tell them things and sing songs.

I'd be more alarmed at the appearance of such a self-centered app if we weren't already living in the year 2017. This is a year when Glu has already released apps for Nicki Minaj, Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry. Individual apps for each of these pop stars is akin to a join-by-mail fan club from the 1980's, but with a lot less effort and a lot more mindless obsession.

The Swift Life app has a place to chat with Swift fans, and will have its own Emoji collection. These emojis will probably make their way to their own app eventually, too. They're called Taymojis.

Users are encouraged to join in on the app to immerse themselves in the Taylor Life, so that they might further experience what it means to be truly obsessed with a pop star. Every part of Taylor's life can be sent to you, without the hassle of going to a separate app.

Don't let any other human being get in the way of your love for Swift. This app is coming to the public to dominate lives by the end of 2017. After a short download and login period, the total and complete submission of young lives to the Swiftlord can begin.