Take Your Twitter Kid's Gifts Back NOW

If you've not yet experienced the unmitigatedly satanic screaming of the hoards of ungrateful kids across the nation at not getting the iPhone they wanted for Christmas, now's your chance – and if you're a parent of one of these whining little pukes, you've got one option, and one option only: take back everything else you gave them. There's a song that goes with this sudden collecting of Twitter status updates that sums it all up quite nicely, you can watch it below. When you do, please, for the love of Pete, check your kid's Twitter account and make sure they're not a horrible, horrible person.

And you boyfriends and girlfriends out there – don't you DARE ignore the fact that your significant other just spit in your face because you didn't pick them up the gift they say they very obviously deserved, having gotten them the wrong color iPod instead. Take it back and return it, or take it back and toss it down a flight of stairs. You've only got one choice for the start of this response. It's almost too unbelievable that these people exist, but there they are, all of them retweeted by Jon Hendren [@fart] and made into a song by Jonathan Mann here — NSFW by the way:

Are you effing kidding me? Christmas should be over for everyone who made those messages public, plain and simple. There's no reason, first of all, to let any thought like the ones these maniacs are thinking get beyond their minds, much less to their friends ears, much less still that they send them along the Tweetwaves to the whole world. Impoverished children in Africa: please do not watch this video, you'll just want to end it all on the spot.

Everyone who made these Tweets: shame on you. Shame on you forever.