If there’s a battle for best brand each year on this day, April Fools Day, ThinkGeek is certainly in the running for emperor. This year we’ve got a handle on their entire collection, starting with the couple of products you see here in the header image. That’s a very tiny hand of Magic: The Gathering cards – a Travel Edition. Behind it, you’ll find a White Noise Machine along the lines of Star Trek. You might see where we’re going with this one already.
Note that none of these product are real – yet. ThinkGeek has been known to use this day as a testing ground for the most absurd of all creations without repercussions in the legal department.
If something is awesome enough and they’re able to team up with the brand holders, you can bet a product will be made.
1. Magic: The Gathering Travel Edition
The cards are tiny. They come in a pack with a pair of magnifying glasses so you’re able to see what you’re playing.
You can get expansion packs, too!
Time to collect all the cards that made your deck all over again.
2. Star Trek White Noise Sleep Machine
This device projects “the low thrum of a familiar spacecraft exploring some corner of an as-yet-unknown galaxy” that’ll certainly drop you into dreamland. In addition, you’ll have the ability to flip the switch to access 7 more sounds – from 5 spacecraft in all.
This unit also projects a moving star field on to your ceiling. Just like you’ve always wanted.
3. SpaceX Vertical Landing Mentos & Diet Coke Rocket
Just like you saw on SlashGear, this rocket commemorates the successful vertical landing done by SpaceX earlier this year. Land it back, use it again!
This soda bottle rocket amalgamation will launch up to 30 feet in the air and will return to Earth safely – if you’re lucky.
This is weird. From the TV show Rick and Morty comes the Plumbus. It’s disgusting. The team suggest that they only carry artisan plumbuses. We’ll have to trust them.
This is an RPG that involves alcohol. There’s not much to it.
You don’t need to be good at Dungeons and Dragons with this one. You just need to be able to drink an abnormal amount of beer.
6. Attack on Titan Colossal Titan Lawn Ornament
This is a 25-foot-tall Titan from the Anime series Attack on Titan, and it, too, is disgusting. Or perhaps a bit more terrifying than it is disgusting. “The integrated air pump will have this Attack on Titan Colossal Titan Lawn Ornament up and peeking over your wall within minutes.”
This lawn ornament will blow up in 15 minutes, then deflate in… a significant amount of time longer than 15 minutes, at which point it’ll be able to fold into a 20-inch x 24-inch x 10-inch rectangle for easy storage.
7. VR Sensory Immersion Generator
While 98% absurd, this piece of equipment might not be that far off from the real state of VR in our near future. This machine provides a multisensory accompaniment for your VR headset “for a full-immersive experience.”
This device, says ThinkGeek, is compatible with Oculus Rift, Samsung Gear VR, Sony Morpheus, and Zeiss VR One. But not Google Cardboard or HTC Vive, for some… odd… reason.
8. Flavor of the Day Desktop Calendar
Each day you’ll have a different lick-able page of a calendar that never fails to delight. We must assume. Maybe some of the flavors are terrible? You never know.
ThinkGeek suggests that this Flavor of the Day Desktop Calendar has 366 different flavors, each with their own image and fun facts. One bonus for that bonus day you forgot about.
9. Useless Light Switch
Just like the Useless Machine, this is the Useless Light Switch, fully capable of switching itself off just a moment after you’ve switched it on. Good luck attaching it to your wall.
“Nobody will ever leave the lights on again with the Useless Light Switch.”
Again, remember not to trust any company, person, animal, or mineral today as April Fools provides no mercy for any person, guilty or innocent.