CIA Reveals Facebook to be Part of Patriot Act, Zuckerberg Secret Agent

Before you explode all over your keyboards with insane comments about how you KNEW IT and how Zuckerberg should be dumped into the sea, note that this news story comes from The Onion, a news source that is born of comedy, and is completely false in its claims. That said, recognize here the source of the comedy – the fact that Facebook would indeed have been the perfect plan laid down by the CIA, utterly perfect in every way in tracking citizens in the USA and abroad in their actions, collecting data that they themselves had submitted – a nation of willing participants!

The news story notes that Mark Zuckerberg is a CIA Agent, and again remember that this news story is false, codenamed "The Overlord," is running the CIA's Facebook Program as Director. The completely fake report goes on to note that Farmville has been one of their best laid plans, placating thousands of citizens as unemployment rates rose over the past few years. The comedic report continues by saying the People You May Know feature has allowed CIA Agents like Frank Lewis to "friend," again, thousands of citizens, gaining access to their most personal thoughts, whereabouts, and photos of marker being written on their face when they're completely passed out drunk on their own couches.

News Report Video as Presented by The Onion

Also very effective, says the Onion news team, are the maps and calendar apps which allow the CIA to know exactly where you've been, where you are, and where you're going, and why. "400 billion tweets and not one bit of useful data was ever transmitted" one of the reporters/agents says about Twitter, on the other hand, another CIA operation which they feel needs to be cut out of the budget entirely. The Onion reports furthermore that Al Qaida created Foursquare to collect info for popular bombing locations – and I remind you, this is completely a comedic, utterly false report.

The CIA in this completely and unabatedly false report notes that Facebook is the "reason we invented the internet." Fabulous!

I want you to think about here are the implications of this situation. It reminds one of the South Park episode where they show the 9/11 conspiracy theorists of being government operatives put in place to make the US government look much more powerful than it actually was. Is the CIA using Facebook to track people's whereabouts? Idunno, who am I to say?

[via The Onion]