Conclusively answering the question “why can’t I have a Faraday cage for my home?” and simultaneously raising the fear “can eating chicken make me a little crazy?” is this, KFC’s latest monstrosity. Dubbed the Internet Escape Pod, what may look like an igloo-shaped tent within the awkward embrace of Colonel Sanders is in fact a way to stay offline with your loved ones.
KFC, who despite making reasonable chicken are clearly still capable of some bad decisions, claims the pod is perfect for those wanting go avoid Cyber Monday madness. If you’ve not been keeping up to date on your invented holiday shopping days, that’s the Monday after Thanksgiving, where online retailers attempt to extend the holiday sales and empty their stockrooms of the dregs nobody wanted at full price.
The chicken peoples’ answer is a cage that blocks all electronic signals, within which you can dip your hands into a bucket and tug out greasy fistfuls of deep-fried fowl. A steel frame is wrapped with stainless steel mesh, with a mind to blocking electromagnetic fields. It should mean that your phone, tablet, laptop, Nintendo Switch, or whatever else will be forced offline, leaving you to quietly contemplate your dietary decisions.
So far so… weird. Then KFC cranks the whole thing up to max-madness with its Colonel Sanders topper. Hugging the pod with elongated arms and a body far too lithe for someone whose diet consists of breaded chicken legs dipped liberally into boiling fat, the fast food chain’s creepy persona is made of high-density architectural foam and enamel paint, and weighs eight pounds.
If there’s one thing to merit the whole affair, therefore, it’s that if you’re inside the Internet Escape Pod you mercifully can’t really see what’s on top of it. There’s room for loved ones, too, with the 7-foot diameter pod standing 6 feet 6 inches tall. KFC’s delivery people will even install it for you, and then test it.
The latter is important because, in order for them to officially promise signal-blocking talents, the pod needs to demonstrate it’s actually working. “Although we have done our best to ensure total internet escape, a special person with a gizmo has to test our cage before we can claim total and utter signal impenetrability,” KFC says. “Upon installation, every effort will be taken to ensure it fully blocks your device.”
Greasy fingers aside, this could be the ideal way to avoid, not just Cyber Monday, but the current world of oddball tweets and arguments over whether coffee cups are destroying the holidays. It’s yours for $10,000, though be warned: KFC says once the pod is sold out, it’s gone for good.