Jingle Jugs Might Be All The Woman You Can Ever Get
Forgive me, mother, for posting this. Feast your eyes, gentlemen, on this wondrous pair of fulsome funbags, the "perfect gag gift" Jingle Jugs. As realistic as if you'd shot a Baywatch lifeguard and mounted her chest on the wall, they not only hang there like vast silicon lumps but – and here it gets really classy – jiggle about to the strains of Rodney Carrington's "classic" Titties & Beer.
I suppose this is the latest incarnation of Big Mouth Billy Bass, that annoying fish that was everywhere a few years back. Thing is, at least the damn fish didn't bring to mind sociopathic murderers who cut up their female victims and keep trophies on the walls of their foetid underground pit.
Update: video of the 'Jugs in action after the cut (since I know you'll only go looking for it otherwise)
Battery or AC powered, there's a light-sensor to trigger the pair and a "try me" button if you're immobile or desperate.
"Jingle Jugs are easily mountable on the wall or you can use the included stand to put them on a flat surface, like the Thanksgiving table centerpiece"
Um, okay. How about "no"
Yours for $49.99