Divers Alarum

You only need watch Mary Poppins to see what a skewed perception of British life is maintained by the rest of the world.  Aside from the mockery of all that is good and pure (aka Dick Van Dyke's cockney accent), there's the impression that we're all surrounded by devoted and obsequious manservants.  For once and for all, it's not true.  When the chambermaid wasn't being menaced by the butler she was stealing the family silver, and you don't want to know what the gardener persuaded cook to put into the Sunday supper.

Which is why this Voco Clock, featuring the syruped tones of Stephen Fry as a servile valet, will inevitably only be successful in countries outside of the British Isles.  Centuries of genetically-programmed middle-class fear has made the mock-respectful tones of the servant anathema to our ears.

Check out some example phrases after the cut.

"I'm afraid the staff has absconded, sir. And it is my day off. I trust it will not be too onerous to make your own exquisitely sliced toast an perfectly cooked breakfast?"

"I'm delighted you have survived another night. May I add my own congratulations to the roar of the world's approval? Thank you, Sir."

"I'm so sorry to disturb you sir, but it appears to be morning. Very inconvenient, I agree. I believe it is the rotation of the earth that is to blame, Sir."

Priced, for you sir, at £25.95 ($51)

Voco Clock [via technabob]