Fidget spinners branded mind-controlling western evil by Russia

Fidget spinners — they came from seemingly nowhere to win the hearts and empty hours of youth across the world, and Russia isn't happy about it. The nation has been spouting some odd anti-fidget spinner nonsense as of late, indicating that they may be a diabolical anti-Russia trinket from the West set to zombify and turn Russian youth. In case this sounds like a joke, it's not: the nation is officially 'investigating' the toy.

It seems the Russia government is just as confused about the sudden popularity of fidget spinners. While most people are content with complaining about the trinket in crotchety Facebook posts, Russia's consumer protection agency Rospotrebnadzor is taking things up a notch. Citing anxiety from teachers and parents over the popularity of this western toy, the agency is going to investigate 'the effect spinners are having on children, including the possible negative impact.'

Yes, they're referring to the toy that you pinch between your finger and spin. Yes, the fad will probably die before the nation finishes wasting money on its investigation. That's not stopping them, though. 'There has been an aggressive promotion of so-called spinners among children and teenagers in Russia recently,' Rospotrebnadzor stated in a release. Others in Russia have pointed out at the packaging contains nothing but English as a point of concern.

Some of the nation's more extreme pundits have gone so far as to call fidget spinners 'political technologies' that are 'controlling the masses.' In fact, the government's sudden investigation into the toy appears to have been spurred by the outcry from personalities and the resulting hysteria from the general population.

The politicizing of the toy is an unusual move, one that will no doubt die down as quickly as the fad. Whether kids will get to keep their fidget spinners between now and then is anyone's guess, though.