Naming children can be a tricky, thankless task. Calling your precious offspring “Aloysius Markus BA Baracus” might score you some kudos with the ironic-cool dads down at the local playground, but when little Aloysius comes home for the umpteenth time with a thick ear and split lip because the bullies at school think it’s funny to punch the weirdly-named kid you – and he – will be wishing you’d stuck with something sensible. Like Gaylord, maybe. Marriage can be another killer of perfectly respectable names, and that’s the situation for cash-shy eBayer Karen, who has decided that the best way to forget her ex-husband and provide for her three children is to auction off naming rights.
That’s right, for a minimum of just $10,000 you get to give Karen a new surname. Always wanted children to carry on the familial line, but could never be bothered with all the impregnation? Then just stump up the cash and you can have the pseudo-daughter you were never willing to have sex for. Got a business that could do with some odd publicity? I think “Karen Fujitsu-Siemens” has a sparkling ring to it.
$10k gets you 10 years, and for every full grand extra you buy an extra year. No obscenities, illegal words or phrases or discriminatory comments can be chosen (damn, there goes “Karen Parp-Master”), but if you want to Buy
It Her Now it’ll cost you just $155,000. Oh, and shipping is free!
Karen breaks all the live publicity down to just eleven cents an hour, which I’m sure we all spend just by eating pretzels and rewarding tramps.