I always knew that some day I'd be able to use that title for a post. That day has come. There are now wine vending machines in Pennsylvania, where there's no such thing as a legal independent wine and liquor store. For real! Pennsylvania is notorious for its strange liquor laws, this Wine Vending Machine move the latest in efforts to get liquor to regular residents safely. Certainly they'll be delivering wine strangely, with a process that might end up leading to more spreading of germs via the mouth than it does tasty glasses of red or white.
Once you approach one of these gigantic machines, (consisting of three coolers and a kiosk,) you are greeted by a screen, a breathalyzer, and a scanner. Once you're at the machine, you'll find yourself at the other end of the camera whose other end is in Reading, Pennsylvania, where the Liquor Control Board is located. There a REAL LIVE employee checks your face, and once you've scanned your drivers license makes sure you're you. Once you've passed that test, you're free to breath into what I hope is a replaceable-tipped breathalyzer that'll see if you're halfway in the bag or not.
Once you've done all this, the door opens, and your particular brand of wine is yours for the taking. I like this idea, and prepose we expand it to all items. All items in vending machines, including pets!