Sheets Energy Strips to be Sold in Automated Kiosks
The newest way to get an energy boost is via a third-party food or drink is "Sheets", little slips of solid matter you put in your mouth and let dissolve before you swallow. These little things are co-founded by basketball star LeBron James and, I kid you not, their tagline is "Taking a Sheet." Not the most appetizing slogan if you ask anyone on our staff, but what can you do with a name like "Sheet?" Seems like the most logical step to turn it into something you take. And "Taking a Sheet at the mall just got easier," as they're saying, as Sheets will be rolling out a series of automated kiosks for the solid energy supplement soon.
Each of these kiosks will, believe it or not, be coming out in the United States before they reach Japan, and will contain 4 packs of Sheets, 10 packs of sheets, and Sheets branded hats and t-shirts. It's what they're calling a "highly advanced, non-human retail experience" and each machine has two plasma screens (just for viewing) that can show messages that change daily. Whether or not these machines will grow to carry other similar products in the near future is still unknown.
According to Sheets officials, the group has received significant interest from vending machine operators across the board, classic machine operators who wish to insert Sheets into their own machines on the side. Price points for said Sheets will remain the same as they've been for the short time they've been available to the public, that being 4 count: $3; 10 count: $6; Sheets hat: $20; and Sheets t-shirt: $20. Wearing said t-shirt and hat, I must mention, will almost certainly drive our society into an Idiocracy-like state where everyone wears brand names for clothing and BRONDO is our main source for water.
On the other hand, having a gigantic energy boost via a strange tab you place on your tongue seems completely fine, this way making sure you don't get the nasty teeth-rotting liquid in your gums like you would normally do with soda pop and energy liquids. Agreed?