So your granddad is complaining that he doesn’t get included in the family’s Christmas mail-out, because he doesn’t have email (his gigantically swollen fingers just mash against the keys and keep re-formatting the computer) and nobody can be bothered mailing him a hard-copy because they’re all too busy IM’ing on their Sidekicks and flirting on Second Life. Zut alors. Why don’t you splash out 150 sweet American dollars on this PC-free e-mail printer, that dials a toll-free number and downloads all the delicious messages that’ve been sent to your “private email address”, printing them out on honest-to-goodness paper.
Hammacher Schlemmer (who else?) promise that your address will be spam-free, and also include a selection of “colourful templates” including “Holiday” and “Summer Fun”. Personally, my idea of Summer fun is drinking whiskey sours and pushing kids off of piers, but I guess that requires more than their $9.99 monthly subscription.