Mom . . . Dad . . . we need to talk. And by "we," I mean I'm going to talk, and you're just going to agree with everything I say and follow my advice forevermore. And by "talk" I mean I'm going to write a public column on SlashGear, and hopefully you won't really read it, because you've always taken my sardonic humor as just a little too mean. Anyway, I love you both, but it's time to have a technology intervention. I'm going to keep this simple and easy. But if something doesn't change, I just don't know if I can provide the kind of technology support you need anymore.